Before we talk about things you can do to boost your charisma, it is okay to first understand what it feels like to be charismatic.

Have you ever been to a boring gathering? Where it feels like everybody just walked out of the cemetery. The smiles are dry, and the conversations are of low energy. Nobody looks approachable. And then, somebody walks in, and everything changes. They enter the room with high energy and aura, taking enough space. You see them shaking hands with people and initiating high energy conversations with open gestures and genuine smile. And suddenly, people start smiling and laughing, and the energy in the room starts growing. Everybody falls in love with him. And now you are jealous because you wish you were them.

What do they have that every other person in the room lacks? The answer is charisma!!! The all-powerful charisma. It is a word I am sure you’ve heard. But what does it mean to be charismatic? There are several definitions by different people. Some define it as the ability to attract, charm, and influence the people around you. Others say it is a compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others. The truth is that every definition of charisma says the same thing in a different way. Here are my two keywords; charm and influence. Charm; the ability to attract and Influence; the ability to inspire and make people more likely do what you ask of them.

Let’s go back to the guy you like. Why do you think he’s so charming and likable? There are several moving parts that we need to stop and analyze.

1. Be the first to give

Don’t be scared. Giving is not all about money, and I am not telling you to give money to anybody that asks you. What about giving sound advice to those who need them or connecting someone with a network that can help them or even as simple as giving your attention. What about compliments? We will talk about that next. The idea is to make people feel better when they come into your space. So that whenever they think of you, their countenance brightens up, they see progress, solution, they are happy.  

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2. Elevate others

Some people have the gift of talking people down. They hardly find any good thing to say. Please don’t be that person. Be that individual that lifts people with words. Don’t be selfish with compliments. Recognize people’s achievements, praise their effort, say something nice about their outfit. Elevate people with words, and they will love you.

3. Pay attention

How do you feel when you are talking to someone, and their attention is everywhere else but on you? You almost hate them, right? Exactly! It is annoying. The former president of the United States, Barack Obama, is one of the most charismatic presidents of all time. I paid close attention to him in his 2008 and 2012 presidential campaigns. One characteristic that stands out was how he paid attention to people when he had a one on one conversation with them. He maintains his attention and focuses on them amid the cheers and screams and thronging.

Paying full attention during conversation requires that you maintain eye contact, assume a posture that centers you around your conversation partner, use the right body language, lean forward when necessary, listen with intent (my next point). It sounds like a lot of work, right? You are correct; it is. But your ability to do this shows that you are empathetic and ultimately boost your charisma score. 

4. Listen actively

To listen actively is to listen with intent. It is to listen with your heart and mind with the aim of understanding. We love people to listen to us with intent when we speak.

Nod, use facial expressions, use vocal expressions like, oh! Okay, exactly, wow, to show affirmation, interest, concern, etc. when you do these things, it shows that you are listening. They are all physical expressions of active listening. Put in the work that is required to listen actively. Mentally process what you hear, don’t be bias, listen with an open mind so you can understand. It is from the richness of your understanding that you frame your response or question or concern if there is a need for it. This is a good way to boost your charisma.

5. Improve your conversation skills

There is nothing as fulfilling as have a nice, fun, and rich conversation. It makes you walk out of the conversation, not feeling like you wasted your time.

So, to be more charismatic, you need to improve your conversational skills. There are a lot of things to know when it comes down to improving your conversational skills. Understanding how to Initiate conversations, expressing yourself openly, knowing the news and trends, appropriate use of humor is necessary.

6. Be relatable

Having the ability to connect with people who are different from you will boost your charisma score. It is the unique ability to minimize the difference in social-economic status, ethnicity, age, race, experiences. For example, politicians when are trying to relate with younger voters, dress down with hoodies, t-shirts, jeans, sneakers, and eliminate technical terms when they speak. It helps them blend well in a crowd of younger voters. Be relatable.

7. Don’t gossip

Don’t speak ill of people. Although it’s not always a bad thing to talk about other people. A study found that six distinct reasons underlie gossip behavior: information validation, information gathering, relationship building, protection, social enjoyment, and negative influence.

So, no matter your reason for gossiping, one thing you must avoid is talking bad about other people. According to research, when you do this, it dents your reputation with the person with whom you gossip. They see you as not credible and that you most likely embody the ills that you speak. The phenomenon is called Spontaneous trait transference.

8. Dress up

I want you to drop the notion that whoever will love you will love you, no matter how you dress. Science has proven time and again that the way you dress affects people’s perception of you and not only that, it also affects your performance.  Your Charisma and likeability increase when you pay attention to your outfit.

9. Be positive

I am sure you know one individual who is always negative. When they come within your space, everything goes dark. They complain about everything. These individuals have the talent to see the bad in everything. You feel a drain on your energy after having a conversation with them.

If you fall into this category, start working on changing your attitude. Charisma is also about positivity, making people feel better, lifting people, putting smiles on faces. Boost your charisma by becoming positive.

10. Remember names

How do you feel when someone you meet probably just once, walk up to you after a long and calls you by your name? You are not only impressed, but you also feel more important.

It was Dale Carnegie that said, “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.” I agree with Dale. Make an effort to remember names; it will boost your charisma.

11. Be humble

Don’t you love people, who despite their class and social status, are humble enough to relate with less fortunate people? For me, this is one of the most powerful ways to make people love you, especially when your actions are genuine. Learn how to interact with those that might not be on the same level as you.

12. Posture and gestures are important

When you move, walk with purposeful strides and keep your head up. When you stand, straighten up your shoulders, square your back, keep an open gesture. Let people see as an authority, even when you are at a distance. Never bend your head or slouch or assume closed gestures. Stand tall and always assume a confident posture.

When you think of charisma, don’t see it as something that is beyond you, or a personality that is genetically coded. You can learn to be charismatic. No matter how uncharismatic you are at the moment, if you diligently work on the above, you will gain the love and respect of everyone in your space.