How to Ask For Help and Get a Yes

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a weakness. Learn how to ask for help and fast-track your progress and advancement towards your goal!

For many people, asking for help is hard, even when they may just be a request away from achieving their goal.

Asking for help from others should never make you feel like a loser. Instead, see yourself as that individual who is willing to go the extra mile to achieve a desired result.

Learning how to ask for help not only increases your chance of getting a yes but also makes the other person feel satisfied that they are able to help.

In this article, you are going to learn why asking for help is so hard for many people and how you can ask for help and get a yes.

Why is asking for help is so hard?

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Fear of rejection

The fear of being shunned or turned down stands out as one of the major reasons why people shy away from asking for help.

Executive leadership coach and author of “Mayday!: Asking for Help in Times of Need” M Nora Bouchard, says;

“We make a lot of excuses for not making the request. The irony is that most often, people do want to help as our most natural response is to say, sure, I can help you.”

Past negative experience

According to Psychology Today, when we’ve experienced a negative situation when asking for help early on in our lives, this could make it hard for us to ever ask for help again.

Fear of giving back

As funny as this may sound, it remains a reason why some persons find it difficult to ask a favor of others.

You probably understand the law of reciprocity and are trying not to put yourself in a where you have to return a favor.

Fear of being perceived as needy or incompetent

Bouchard says that to avoid coming across as incompetent or being ashamed of our situation, we work hard to ensure people don’t see us that way.

This means we often see the act of asking for help as a possible undermining of our integrity and self-respect.

Fear of losing control

Some people are used to getting things done themselves while retaining control of the situation.

So. the mere thought of seeking help may feel weird and unusual, with the fear of losing control of the situation in mind.

How to ask for help

1. Embrace rejection

I understand how difficult it can be to ask for help.

However, to successfully feel comfortable asking for help, you need to first overcome some of your objections and develop the confidence to ask.

Understand that rejection is necessary for progress, growth, and abundance.

As stated by American self-help author and blogger, Mark Manson, “Rejection is that awful feeling when life is sorting out who and what is right for you and who and what is not”.

So, before making your move to ask for that important favor, understand that your request could go either way.

You either get turned down, or you get accepted.

Either way, go in with the understanding that everything may not always go your way.

With the fear of rejection being one of the main reasons why people find it hard to ask for help, tackling that early on would be of great benefit.

2. Avoid asking for help over text or email

According to research by the Harvard Business Review, a face-to-face request for help is 34 times more successful than a request made by e-mail.

Another research shows that we often underestimate the persuasive power of in-person communication, and overestimate our persuasive power of text-based communication.

When we hide behind the phone to ask for help, you give them a lot of time to process their thoughts and erase any feeling of guilt for not helping us.

This makes it a lot easier for them to turn you down.

And while text-based communication can sometimes be the only option, you should aim for face-to-face communication (where possible) as that is most likely to get them to say yes.

3. Ask for help out loud

According to research, 75% to 90% of help co-workers give to one another in the workplace is in response to a clear and direct appeal for help.

As humans, we nurture this belief that there is no need to expressly make a request or ask for help since our needs and wants are obvious to those around us.

Social psychologist, Heidi Grant at a TEDx Talk, says;

“We sit around mostly waiting for someone to notice our needs and then spontaneously offer to help us with it. This is a very bad assumption as it is difficult to tell what your needs are…”

This is called the Illusion Of Transparency, where we overestimate the degree to which our mental and personal state is known by others.

We think that people close to us can see what we need help with and should naturally offer to help us with it without being asked.

Well, this is not a safe conclusion to make like this, to them, may mean giving unsolicited help.

People will likely not offer unsolicited help, even when they know you need it.

This is because they are not sure if you want their help.

So, if you want help from someone, ask for it in clear language.

4. Be specific and give a reason for your request

The father of influence, Robert Cialdini, in his book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion,” explains that we will be more successful in our request for help when we provide a reason why we need it.

So, avoid a vague and indirect request for help.

This makes it difficult for your potential helper to know if they can help you or not.

So yes, an effective request has specifics and is accompanied by a good reason why the help is needed.

Ellen Langer carried out a research in 1977 named “The copy machine study.” The research explains the positive psychological impact of the use of “Because” when making a request.

• When we request without giving a reason why we need the help, we increase our chance of getting a yes by 60%.
• When we make a request and we give a real reason why we need that help, we increase our chance of getting a yes by 94%.
• When we make a request and we give a fake reason why we need the help, we increase our chance by 93%.

This shows that when we give a reason (even if the reason is senseless) why we need someone’s help, we increase our chances of getting a yes.

Bottom-line, give them a reason to help you and they will be more willing to comply with your request.

4. Avoid apologies and disclaimers

As explained by Heidi, people fail to understand how uncomfortable they are making the other person feel with their apologetic request.

It’s common for people to try to prove that they are not greedy or incapable when trying for help.

This leads them to sound apologetic when trying to make that request.

For instance, they may say something like, “I am so sorry to bother you with my problems at this period, if I had other options I would have considered them”.

Well, remember that people need to find satisfaction in helping you.

But when you do this, you make them feel uncomfortable and unmotivated making them less likely to help you.

 “…and by the way, how am I supposed to find it satisfying to help you if you hated having to ask me for help?” says Heidi.

5. Show appreciation

At this stage, it’s safe to assume you have already gotten the help.

Now it’s time to follow through and communicate the impact of their help.

According to UCL, one of the benefits we gain from helping others is increased self-esteem and overall wellbeing.

Unfortunately, research shows that we underestimate the value of showing appreciation and overestimate how awkward it will be to express gratitude.

This makes it important for us to communicate to them the result of the help rendered.

By doing this, they gain satisfaction and fulfillment in the fact that they’ve just helped a neighbor.

A lot of help seekers don’t do this, and by doing this, you stand out in their mind, and they become even more willing to help you some other time.

Conclusion

I know it can sometimes be hard to ask for help from those around us.

However, understand that as humans, we do not live in isolation.

This makes asking for help from our neighbors essential for our everyday growth and progress.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt unwilling to ask for help even when you needed it?

I would like to hear from you.

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