I understand; sometimes, initiating a conversation can be more tasking than figuring out an algorithm for detecting racist remarks online and expunging it from the internet. However, conversations form the bedrock of human interaction, which has defined the development of our race across time. Its developmental role is one reason why conversations are crucial – they continue to help lay the foundation upon which we form and nurture relationships.
We are now in a social media era where most interactions exist online, on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and a host of others. This reality has made it even more challenging for people to have face to face conversations. The anxiety that comes with initiating a conversation is increasing as people are losing touch with their fellow human beings.
However, I must remind you that there is no substitute for a face to face conversation. The psychological benefits and emotional fulfillment that comes with two people sitting or standing in close proximity, exchanging words, eye contact, touch; is irreplaceable.
The problem for many people is how to initiate and manage a conversation. The ability to have a productive conversation is an essential communication skill that everyone should have. Here are five things to know about having a conversation.
1. Recognize and respect the personal space
While you may be itchy to strike a conversation with someone, you should not be too excited and forget that people have personal space, and they expect you to know that.
When initiating a conversation, it is advisable to keep a comfortable space between you and the other party. This distance depends on who the person is and the scenario. For example, you are in a crowded place, like when waiting in line at the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles), there is a little bit of compromise with regards to personal space. However, when someone is sitting at a park, and you approach them, you should leave at least four feet distance between you and them.
Also, take note that personal space depends on the country and the culture. The idea is more prevalent in America than in other parts of the world.
2. There is no perfect punch line
Many times, mostly when driven by the need to be perfect, people struggle with coming up with the right punch line to start a conversation.
While it is sometimes okay to have a word for word statement to start a conversation, you might find yourself in a situation where your punchlines are out of place. In many cases, this fails woefully, because while struggling with your punchline and delivery, you will begin to fumble with your words and ruin the moment.
A good idea would be to go with a general theme, like giving a compliment or asking a question about something they have on them or something they did. When you take this route, you create a wide range of conversational subjects, and the conversation is more likely to take a natural course.
3. Use the information you already have about them
One thing you should about human beings is that we are interested when the subject is about us. When you start a conversation using the information you already know about someone, there is a greater chance of engagement. For example, if you are trying to strike a conversation with a published author, one way to do that is to refer to their published work.
Another scenario could be initiating a conversation with someone who you see take their kids to school every morning. What you could do is give a glowing remark on their effort, or how neat the kids are, etc. This way, they are more likely to engage with you.
4. Pay attention to body language
Body language does a whole lot to enhance conversation in many contexts. Most people will never approach you if you do not look even slightly approachable. Different features can inspire confidence, and the likelihood of being in a conversation, which you can attribute to body language. For example, having an open stance or keeping a cheerful countenance in a room full of strangers makes you more approachable. This does not mean you have to smile in a way that makes you look weird and even suspicious.
Also, during a conversation, a person’s body language can tell you a lot about how they are feeling, if they are disinterested in what you are saying, if they are ready for the conversation to be over, etc. So, whether you plan on initiating a conversation or already having one, it is essential to pay attention to your body language and those of your conversation partner.
5. Be a good listener
As much as some people like to keep talking, it is essential to remember that a conversation is a two-way street. After you initiate one, remember not only to make the other party engage with you but to listen actively to them.
Active listening is not just about being silent and staring at the person speaking; it means that you mentally and physically engage with the speaker. Try to understand their point of view. Ask questions for clarification if you are not clear about what they are trying to say.
Give verbal signals that show you are listening, like, “wow” “Yeah” “Really.” Also, use non-verbal signals like nodding; and make sure to have a body language that aligns with your conversational partner. Don’t forget, while you listen, make sure for that moment you keep distractions out of sight.
If the conversation matters to you, then it matters that you give it your attention. However, you can excuse yourself if there is something particularly urgent that you have to attend to.
Showing signs of distraction during a conversation is a big turn off for many people because it shows disrespect. People would typically get irritated when they find you fiddling with your phone during a conversation or start another conversation while you are still talking with them. So, raise your conversation game by listening.
Conversations are crucial to our existence as humans. While they sometimes happen naturally, the burden rests upon us, most of the time, to initiate and manage them. When we take the lead, it is essential to understand these basic principles; this allows you to have a rich and fulfilling conversation anytime.
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