It feels great to strike an instant connection with someone nice you just met. Here are seven sure-fire ways to instantly connect with anyone and everyone!
In a study conducted by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA, it was shown that our social connection with others is equally a fundamental need to humans, as are food, water, and shelter.
The study shows that the part of the brain responsible for communicating social pain (the experience of pain resulting from interpersonal rejection or loss) is also responsible for communicating physical pain.
Dr. Ralph Nichols, who is considered the “father of the study of listening,” reemphasizes this human need when he mentioned that “the need to understand and be understood is the most basic of all human needs.”
Now that you realize the need to connect with others isn’t just important but necessary for human survival, it is essential to learn the best ways to connect quickly with anyone and everyone.
With this in mind, here are my seven tips on how to instantly connect with anyone.
1. Make a good first impression
If you are looking to connect with someone, there is every need to start strong. This means making a strong first impression.
A 2016 study shows that our brain makes quick conclusions about someone’s qualities, friendliness, morality, and competencies in less than one-tenth of a second of seeing their face for the first time.
And our initial reaction (positive or negative) can affect how well our conversation with them will go.
So, to make a good first impression and connect instantly with the other person, you need to present your best self in terms of your physical, mental, and emotional outlook.
Related: How to Make a Good First Impression
2. Smile
A smile is a good way to make that strong first impression.
Research shows that human beings unconsciously mimic the facial expressions of others in interpersonal encounters. This is called facial mimicry.
A genuine smile provokes a positive response from the other person, which allows you to connect better.
Research also shows that people are more likely to respond and connect with positive emotions like smiles or happiness than to negative emotions like frowns or sadness.
This means that if you are looking to connect with someone, you need to abandon all of the negative vibes and try to put on a positive outlook.
Smiling makes you appear warm and welcoming, making the other person feel safe and more willing to meet you and know you better.
Where we frown at someone, they are likely to frown back, and when we smile at them, they are more likely to smile back unconsciously, which sets the mood for an instant connection.
3. Ask them questions about themselves
Most people feel that to have a great conversation, they need to do the talking for as long as possible.
Well, the reverse is the case.
Getting others to talk about themselves is a surefire way to have a great conversation with your conversation partner. Doing this helps to establish that instant bond and connection.
A study shows that talking about ourselves is as pleasurable to our brain as food and money.
To Amy Cuddy, one way to gain the confidence of others is to let them do the talking.
To achieve this, ask them good open-ended questions. For example, ask, “What made you decide to choose that career path?” instead of, “Do you enjoy working at xyz?”
However, ensure your questions are genuine and relevant as you do not want to get them talking just for the sake of it.
4. Address them by their name
Dale Carnegie made a statement that is undoubtedly true and powerful. “A person’s name is to that person the most important and sweetest sound in any language.”
Using the name of your acquaintance gives them a memorable impression of you, especially if they are meeting you for the first time.
It can be a little challenging for some people to get the name to stick for the first time.
However, by repeatedly calling them by their name throughout the conversation, there is a greater tendency for easy recall anytime.
Regardless of whether they know your name or not, make that effort to learn and address them by their name.
Again, when you call them by their name, they feel special, respected, and valued, which further opens the window for a closer connection.
And yes, I know, some names can be difficult to pronounce, but that makes it even more special because they get to appreciate the extra effort you are making to learn their name.
People rarely address strangers by their names, so you stand out in their minds when you do.
5. Mirror their traits
This means synchronizing the traits of others to build rapport and adjusting your mood to fit theirs.
When the other person’s energy level is low, bring down your energy level, and when their energy is high, increase your energy level to match theirs.
According to Nicholas Boothman in his book “How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less“, we can build rapport by design.
To him, we mirror the other person by modeling them, which helps to build rapport.
The bottom line is, when we mirror the traits of others, we build rapport with them very quickly.
6. Genuinely compliment them
Remember the age-long magical effect of complimenting someone? Well, it still works!
In an article by Oprah Daily, a kind, thoughtful and genuine compliment is magical and has the power to instantly turn someone’s day around and make them feel happy, appreciated, and proud.
According to Psychotherapist Lindsay Liben LCSW, compliments are a helpful instrument used to nurture and enhance relationships that contribute to a deeper, more intimate connection
Compliment them as soon as you can, especially if it has to do with their appearance.
Avoid waiting towards the end of the conversation before recognizing their beautiful wristwatch, dress, or soothing voice.
Do not overthink what compliment to give; just let the compliment flow with the discussion
However, compliments on things like their level of intelligence make more sense when offered halfway or at the end of the conversation.
You can only determine someone’s intelligence level after you hear them talk, right?
So, offer that sincere compliment and watch yourself connect better as a result.
7. Open up and be vulnerable
It is not uncommon to find people holding their guards up when meeting someone for the first time.
This is understandably so as we are quite unsure of whom our new acquaintance is.
This makes it necessary for us to be in our best formal behavior by limiting the discussion to friendly, safe, and general topics.
The other person may therefore find it difficult to discuss personal matters with you until they feel comfortable to do so.
So, by taking the first step to open up and show vulnerability, the other person is likely to bring down their walls and open up to you.
However, you do not have to get too personal, but be passionate enough to reveal the real you, and the other person will likely do the same.
Conclusion
Striking an instant connection with anyone requires a good level of emotional intelligence.
By making a good first impression, smiling, mirroring their traits, and showing genuine interest in your acquaintance, you should be able to connect instantly with anyone.
