It can be challenging to know when to talk and when to listen. However, knowing when to do so can help you become a better and more sensitive communicator.
It can be pretty tempting to keep talking for long minutes, especially when the subject is of personal interest.
This attitude is not always our fault. We are naturally wired to speak more about ourselves than listen to others talk about themselves.
Admittedly, keeping the mouth shut can be hard for some people, as that could be a natural tendency.
A study by Harvard Neuroscientist Diana Tamir and Harvard colleague Jason Mitchell shows that by talking about ourselves, our brain gains the same pleasure as when we eat or when someone gives us money.
Even more interesting, an article in The Wall Street Journal explains that people are ready to forgo money to talk about themselves.
Notwithstanding how tempting it can be to talk at the slightest opportunity, there is a need to learn to speak only when necessary, or at least when your opinion is sought.
This approach makes others value your opinion and your words, even more, building their trust and confidence in you.
According to Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist, allowing others to do the talking is a great way to gain the confidence of others.
Here is my guide on how to know when to talk and when to listen;
When to talk
I. When you have something important to say
For someone who finds it hard to stay silent and let others do the talking, this may be a good way to control your urge.
Speak only when you feel you have something important (very important preferably) to say.
This way, you give more room for others to express themselves, and you improve your listening skills in the process.
This is not to rule out small talks, as they sometimes give life to a conversation. However, please do not overdo it.
When you have a question to ask, you can speak by asking meaningful questions, as this shows you’ve been actively listening to the other person.
Become more of a listener than a speaker. When you listen more than you speak, you learn more about your acquaintance, and they will appreciate and respect you more.
Sometimes it’s better to listen and not say anything than to talk just because you have the opportunity.
People seldom like a talkative, but everybody loves a listener.
II. When your opinion is requested
If you always struggle to keep your mouth shut, at least wait until your opinion on a matter is sought.
This is even more important, especially in a formal meeting.
You don’t want to jump at every topic for discussion. Sometimes, you need to wait for the group leader to ask for your thoughts on the matter. This is especially important when you know you tend to be talkative.
It can be tempting to make a helpful contribution, but try to hold your thoughts until you are asked to share them.
So, when your opinion is sought, endeavor to render your remarks in a way that addresses what is necessary.
III Where your words can make a positive change
Where you genuinely feel your words have the power to make a lasting positive impact on a situation, be sure to make your contribution.
Everyone wants to be an ambassador for change, so speaking up under this condition can be excused even when your opinion isn’t requested.
They can thank you later for interfering in an issue that is originally none of your business.
However, speak only if your words can change a situation for the better.
When to keep quiet
I. When you have nothing important to say
Avoid speaking just to break the silence in the room. According to Abraham Lincoln,
“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”
A period of silence is not always a bad thing. You don’t have to assume that something is wrong simply because no one is talking.
II. When you are learning or working
It is almost impossible to effectively learn in an environment where someone is interrupting by constantly talking or asking irrelevant questions.
For example, when you continuously ask questions halfway through a lecture, you may disrupt the teacher’s flow and the learning experience for other students.
Also, avoid engaging your co-worker in conversations when it is clear that they are focused on the task at hand.
A study shows that once interrupted, it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for someone to get back on task.
So, if you have any questions or contributions to make, wait until it’s appropriate to ask questions.
Remember that you learn more by listening than talking.
III. Where your audience isn’t receptive
It is useless to continue talking to someone who is not open to listening to you. Don’t try to force your way into someone’s mind by mindlessly rambling.
Someone may tune out when you are speaking because they are indisposed to hear you talk at that moment.
It could also be because they have heard you speak mindlessly countless times, and they no longer have the respect and confidence in your words.
Whatever their reasons, it may be better to sit down and allow others to do the talking.
Conclusion
In a world where people are generally busy pushing their agenda, listening can be more rewarding than talking.
Knowing when to speak and when to keep quiet can be rewarding.
Avoid talking when it is someone else’s turn to speak.
Actively listen to others, as this shows you are a sensitive and effective communicator.
Also, by actively listening, you stand out as someone who cares about the thoughts and the feelings of other.
