If you have bones, flesh, and blood flowing in your veins, that means you have felt uncomfortable around a stranger or strangers at one time or another in your life.
It could be that moment you found yourself in a room full of people you don’t know. Or maybe it was the time you had an important interview. It may also be that you feel very uncomfortable on blind dates.
Feeling uncomfortable around a stranger or strangers is not an uncommon feeling. All of us, at one time or another, have felt uncomfortable around a stranger. However, it becomes a problem when feeling uncomfortable or anxious prevents you from achieving your goals, making significant moves towards your dreams, or simply having a good time.
If you are always uncomfortable around strangers, there are several things you can do to set yourself free from that feeling.
Get out of your head
The most likely reason you feel uncomfortable around strangers is that you have these voices in your head that make you feel that way. “They are judging me,” “I am a jerk,” “He/she don’t like me,” “I am going to mess up,” and a host of other negative thoughts.
When you have these thoughts playing in your mind, they slowly drown your confidence, then you find yourself struggling to maintain composure. The lack of confidence and poise will ultimately make you feel uncomfortable.
A quick way to fix this is to change your focus. Move the focus from yourself to something or somebody else. For example, if you walk into a room of strangers, and you start all the negative thoughts about yourself and how they feel about you, try to move your attention to someone else in the room. Admire what the person is wearing, or even critique their sense of style while you are trying to settle in the environment.
You can also move your focus to whatever is happening in the room.
This approach is a quick way of silencing the inner voices of self-criticism.
Pay attention to your non-verbals
Sometimes your nonverbal behaviors determine how people treat you and talk to you, especially at first contact. I know you are wondering that this article is supposed to be about you being comfortable. But the truth is that the way people approach and talk to you can make you feel more comfortable. Guess what? Your nonverbal behavior can be an obstacle to receiving good treatment and conversations from strangers.
Smile more. How do you hold your countenance when you are around strangers? Nobody wants to be around someone who looks like they don’t want to be disturbed or probably like someone angry.
When you have on a stern countenance, people approach you in a way that makes feel even more uncomfortable. They tend to be careful with you, not to upset you. On the other hand, when you put on a cheerful and relaxed facial expression, people tend to be more friendly with you, which inadvertently makes you feel more comfortable.
The same is true with your body language. When you have a closed body language, like crossing your arms or crouching, people are more likely to avoid you than when you assume a more open posture.
Start a conversation
When you are amid strangers in a social gathering and feeling uncomfortable, most likely, negative thoughts are going through your head. If you are uncomfortable and feeling anxious, your situation could get even worse if you continue to sit or stand in isolation.
One effective way to dissolve your discomfort is to start a conversation. While this can also be a challenge for some people, it is an excellent way to minimize the negative thoughts playing in your mind. For some other people, once they break the ice, the discomfort dissipates.
A good way to go about such a conversation is to ask open-ended questions. Doing this makes the stranger take about themselves. The more they talk about themselves, the more your thoughts shift away from you. When you lose the negative thoughts, your comfort level increases.
Just say how you feel
Another excellent way to break the ice when you feel uncomfortable in a social situation is by admitting how you feel. This approach is applicable when you meet someone for the first time. A good example would be on a blind date.
It is okay to say, “I feel a little bit nervous meeting you.” When you do this, it makes you feel a little bit more comfortable with the date. You will be surprised to get a response like, “Me too. I feel nervous.” When both parties share their insecurities, it neutralizes doubts and creates a comfortable space for a more robust interaction.
Use your breath
When you feel anxious or uncomfortable in social situations, it changes the way you breathe. You tend to breathe faster and shallower, usually from chest level. This type of breathing is often called shallow or thoracic breathing.
When you breathe shallow, you draw just a tiny amount of breath into your lungs by drawing a small amount of air into your chest area. This could cause you to feel even more nervous and uncomfortable. In extreme cases, you can feel weak; some people can even pass out.
When you find yourself in this situation, take a few seconds to relax and take a deep breath. The recommendation is to use the full capacity of the lungs. This approach is called Diaphragmatic breathing or belly breathing. When you breathe deep, you engage the diaphragm fully and increase the efficiency of your lungs.
Breathing this way reduce puts you at ease and makes you feel more comfortable.
Increase your exposure
I am sure you have heard this common saying, “the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.” You cannot learn to be comfortable around strangers by just reading a book or a blog or seeking advice from a pro. You must go out there and mingle, one person at a time, until you gain the level of comfort that you desire.
The more you interact with strangers, the more the process becomes natural to you.
Please take safety precautions when you intend to practice being comfortable with strangers. I would encourage that you start with more familiar strangers, like someone you have never spoken to before at work, strangers at a networking event, an acquaintance of someone you know and trust, and others along this line.
On a final note, the word “stranger” sounds scary and sometimes intimidating for most people. This is especially true as we were constantly told as kids not to talk to strangers. This lack of interest in strangers cements in our subconscious and follows us into adulthood, increasing the tendency for discomfort.
It is critical to note that your caution with strangers is essential because it makes you think before approaching a stranger, which helps you make a wise and safe decision and can save your life in certain situations.
But remember, every friend or acquaintance that you currently have was once a stranger. Every meaningful relationship that you will ever have will be with someone who will first be a stranger. So, be bold. Wipe the negative thoughts out of your mind and get comfortable around strangers.
