Some people can start a conversation with a stranger in a heartbeat. They have no form of apprehension whatsoever when they feel the need to talk to a stranger. But, on the other hand, there are those who find it very challenging to even say “Hi” to someone they have never met before.
The anxiety that comes with starting a conversation with a stranger is justified. Unlike talking to a friend or an acquaintance, talking to a stranger is unnerving. It is like entering uncharted territory. There are a lot of things you do not know.
The stranger might give you the cold shoulder.
You are not sure the kind of attitude they have.
The person might be a sadist.
The stranger might respond offensively.
The stranger might have a different/strange ideology about life.
All of the above unknowns can justify your willingness to avoid a conversation with a stranger. But wait a minute! Before your crawl back into your shell, I must remind you that the benefits of talking to a stranger are strong enough to crush the fear the lurks in the unknown.
One study demonstrated how talking to a stranger can lead to happiness and a feeling of belonging. The same researchers found out that interaction with weak ties can lead to social and emotional wellbeing.
Another study reveals that train and bus commuters who interacted with other passengers experienced a more pleasant ride, even when they believed they would prefer solitude. Talking to strangers can also improve our physical and psychological wellbeing, according to research.
Don’t also forget that talking to strangers can also drastically boost your confidence.
Now that you know the benefits associated with talking to strangers, how do you start a conversation with someone who you’ve never met before?
Have the right mindset.
The mindset you have about strangers can determine how easy it is to start a conversation with one. Your thoughts about talking to a stranger may revolve around the unknowns mentioned above. Having these thoughts can create fear, so you may want to ditch them.
To change your mindset, create your thoughts to undo the negative feeling that creeps up when you feel like talking to a stranger.
When you feel like the stranger might give you the cold shoulder, remember that Great things come to those who are willing to take a risk and put themselves out there.
When they reject you, remember that it’s not about you. It’s about the person’s current mental state, so don’t take it personally.
When you think they may have a different ideology about life, see it as a golden opportunity to learn something new.
Take this advice from Todd Brison:
“I know nothing. Other people know something. By talking to new people, I can know a little more than nothing. By keeping to myself, I will remain ignorant.”
Comment on a common topic
Commenting on a common topic is standard advice for how to talk to a stranger. The truth is that it is effective. When you exist in the same space with a stranger, several things are common to both of you.
The weather is a popular one. Has it been raining endlessly? Is it frosty and unbearably cold outside? Is it a scorching, it-feels-like-I’m-in hell kind of weather? Or perhaps, the weather is so beautiful, and you feel like staying out all day. Share your frustration or delight about the weather.
What about the traffic? If there is “crazy” traffic on the streets, then that is a common problem that you both share. You can take advantage of the opportunity and say something about it.
There are other things that you can find that are common to you and the stranger. Look around your environment. The beautiful garden, the kids playing recklessly, the angry bus driver. What about a national or global event or news? Is it election season? You can comment on that.
Just remember to make sure that the situation is right before you initiate a conversation. For example, you don’t want to interrupt someone that is in a hurry, just to talk about the weather.
Comment on something personal
Can you remember a time when someone said something nice about your shoes, or your hairstyle, or maybe your outfit? How did it make you feel? I am sure you smiled. And I am also sure that you will be a little more open to having a conversation with that person.
When you compliment a stranger, especially regarding their clothing or sense of style, you validate their taste. When the stranger feels validated, he or she is more likely to have a conversation with you.
Ask open-ended questions
Asking questions is a great way to both start a conversation and keep one going. In this case, open-ended questions do the trick. These questions cannot be answered with a single word.
When you ask a closed-ended question, one that can be answered with a yes or no, or one word, it limits the possibility of furthering the conversation. But when you ask an open-ended question, it creates a fertile ground for the conversation to flourish.
For example:
Me: Nice physique! Do you workout?
You: No.
Me: hmmmm!!!
The close-ended question killed the conversation. Close-ended questions limit the possibility of having a rich and productive conversation.
Consider this alternative:
Me: Nice physique! What do you do to stay in shape?
You: I try to get up very early in the morning to workout, and then I…blah blah blah (depending on how talkative you are).
See the difference? That is the power of an open-ended question. Open-ended questions help you learn more about the person and create more avenues to expand the conversation.
Ask for their opinion
You can easily start a conversation by asking a stranger’s opinion. When you ask for someone’s opinion, they are most likely to engage with you.
However, when you use this approach, make sure that it is an opinion that can start a conversation and not one that requires a single response. This principle also lines up with asking open-ended and close-ended questions.
For example:
Me: Do you think this is a good gift for a teenage boy?
You: Yes, I think that’s beautiful.
Alternatively:
Me: What kind of gift do you think is suitable for a teenage boy?
You: Blah blah blah… (depending on how much you know, and how much you like to talk).
Look for something you have in common
Finding a common interest or a common trait is one of the best ways to start a conversation and even connect with a stranger. You might notice something with the stranger that you also have or relate to. For example, they may be wearing a t-shirt of the football club you support or the university they attend, or maybe even a tattoo on their body. They may be walking a dog, and you also happen to be a dog owner.
For example, you can say, “Your German Shepherd is so beautiful! I have a puppy at home. How do you take care of your dog so well?”
From my experience, conversations that start with similar interests or shared traits are often more fun and are most likely to establish a connection.
The world is full of different people with different ideas and opinions. The more people you meet, the more you understand and appreciate humanity.
Also, having a conversation with a stranger is like opening a treasure chest. You never know what you could find.
