Ever wondered why you struggle to find and build connections with people? Here are some of the reasons why.
So being here on this planet is all about building connections, right?
I mean, you want to connect with others, find out what’s going on with them, share your feelings, and have your feelings mirrored back to you.
You want to make new friends, fall in love, and oftentimes, raise a family.
This is because we are social beings and it’s in our DNA to want to connect with other people.
But sometimes many of us have trouble connecting with people, and the reason why some of us find it difficult to connect with others is what we often struggle to understand.
Stay with me as I explain 9 reasons why you are struggling to connect with others.
1. You are emotionally absent
It’s important to be able to emotionally connect with someone, whether it’s a friend, colleague, or lover.
This means that making real connections can be difficult if you are emotionally unavailable.
A surface-level relationship may be easy and good, but it is surely lacking a critical component called “closeness”.
Where your connection is not as real or as close as you would like, it may be due to your inability to build an emotional connection with them.
So, the first step in overcoming the barriers that limit you from making real, genuine connections is to admit your emotional absence.
2. You think it takes a lot of time and effort.
We are constantly told that everything worthwhile takes time and effort.
Yes, this is true for many long-term goals, such as establishing a successful profession or maintaining a happy marriage.
It also makes sense to put in the effort to maintain any satisfying connection.
However, it’s important to understand the distinction here as having a relationship with someone is not the same as feeling connected to them at the moment.
Understand that relationship is a time-based construct that is based on shared experiences, mutual trust, and a strong sense of mutual connection.
Relationships are built on connections, according to this viewpoint.
Even if it doesn’t lead to a long-term friendship, feeling connected to someone is valuable in itself.
3. You are not a good listener
Everybody desires to be heard as each of us has a unique voice, something to contribute to the conversation, and something worth hearing.
So, if your acquaintances never feel heard by you, it may be a barrier to building good connections with them.
By becoming an active listener, you become closer to them and them to you.
However, if you aren’t a good listener, it can be difficult for them to connect with you.
It may just appear to them that a relationship with you is a one-way street.
No one wants to be in a one-sided relationship.
So, to build that connection, it’s important to know when to talk and when to listen
4. You’re too focused on your flaws and weaknesses.
Thinking too much about my weaknesses has on many occasions held me back from building meaningful connections with people.
I was always afraid of not being good enough for the other person, not up to the challenge, and concerned that my business may not be well received.
These concerns and thoughts tormented my head, preventing me from enjoying other people’s company.
This consequently affected my self-confidence in the long run and my ability to make an immediate and genuine connection became limited.
To put it another way, my insecurities stood in the way of my relationships with others as I just did not feel good enough for them.
It’s no surprise that I found it difficult to make genuine connections with others.
Understand that when it comes to interacting with others, it is important to embrace your weakness and see the relationship as an opportunity to become better.
Do not think the other person is flawless, as we all have our weaknesses.
Making a meaningful connection with someone requires trust and vulnerability.
It may be scary to be vulnerable, but it usually leads to growth, connection, and a stronger bond.
5. You focused on the flaws of others
It’s difficult to confess to yourself that you usually focus on the negative in people.
Perhaps, you see the negative in people because you are afraid to change or acknowledge the negative in yourself.
The thing is, if you are not looking down on yourself by dwelling on your flaws and weaknesses, you are probably busy thinking about the negative in others.
This is wrong, as we often forget that we also have our flaws to contend with.
This is another way of saying that people with flaws do not deserve to connect with people.
If that’s the case, then no one deserves to connect with anyone since no one is perfect.
Embracing the imperfection in the other person is what makes connecting with others so unique and special.
This way, you can challenge each other to become better people.
6. You are too focused on social media
Our society has entered a new era of connectivity. So no matter the person or distance, social media brings us all together.
The internet allows us to stay in touch with our most distant relatives, colleagues, as well as our closest friends.
Despite this, social media isn’t the best way to build genuine relationships.
According to a former Facebook executive, social media may be a lot more sinister than you believe.
Though it’s possible to form a long-lasting, faithful connection, similar to that of a pen pal, that connection is limited to the screen or the words on the page.
You may be absent from real life if you find yourself placing much importance on having an online presence (getting those stories, posts, shares, and likes).
This means that even when you are out with family and friends, you may become preoccupied with what is going on online instead of enjoying that beautiful moment with the most important people in your life who are physically present and willing to genuinely connect with you.
So, to make that genuine connection, it’s important to put your phone aside as this would allow you to be fully present with your acquaintance.
Let your followers wait.
7. Waiting for them to take the first step
It can be a little difficult to take the first step when you crave a deep connection with another person.
This is because we see “Taking the first step” as a courageous act and we sometimes consider it inappropriate.
After all, why should you impose yourself on the other person?
If they wanted to chat with you, shouldn’t they come up to you and say hello?
Yes, they should, provided they aren’t thinking the same thing as you are right now.
If they are, the chance of them starting a conversation with you is zero!
You’ll both keep silent until a shooting star lands unexpectedly in front of you and provide you with an unavoidable topic to start a talk about.
I have used the ‘I don’t want to be intrusive’ argument as an excuse for not initiating connections for a long time.
Now I’ve realized that the chance for connection is as much in my hands as it is in the hands of the other person.
So I try starting conversations, even if it was only to test what would happen if I didn’t.
What was the worst that might happen anyway? A conversation that is either boring or awkward right?
There have been no fires, earthquakes, or tsunamis. Not in the least.
Amazingly, most times when I start a conversation with a stranger, I come to learn that the other person was just as hungry for connection as I was.
8. You are always too busy
Tell me, how do you reply when you’re invited to that social event?
Is your most common excuse “I’m sorry, I am busy”?
Well, this may just be that one thing preventing you from finding and building connections.
I can’t overstate how important it is to make time for those we wish to connect with.
Humans are social beings and socializing with others is good not just for the brain but also great for the body.
There’s no denying that we all have busy schedules.
And with work, bills, obligations, and so on, it’s difficult to make time for the things we love.
But if you want to build true connections with people, you should rethink your priorities and put socializing with others on your top list.
9. Trying to connect with the wrong people
It could surprise you how much time and effort you put into trying to fit in with people who just don’t want to be your friend.
It’s not that they dislike you; it’s just that you don’t seem to fit.
The truth is if your friends or acquaintance don’t want you around, you will be wasting your time and energy trying to connect with them.
We can only give so much time and energy.
So, it’s good to reevaluate where you’re spending that time and energy.
It will be difficult to build a genuine, worthwhile connection if you waste your valuable time and energy on people who don’t want to be around you.
Instead, focus on hanging out with people with similar interests as this makes it a lot easier to connect naturally without stressing so much.
Psychological reasons why you struggle to connect with people
According to Harley Therapy and Healthline, here are some psychological reasons why you find it hard to connect with people.
- Depression
- Trust issues
- Low self-esteem
- Personality disorder
- Anxiety and social anxiety disorder
- Personality disorders
- Asperger’s syndrome
- Childhood trauma including abuse
- Attachment disorder
How to Connect With Someone
Now that you have identified what the possible problem is, no is time to provide a solution.
